Hoo-ray for Hockeywood!!

The modern world is filled with all sorts of devices. Screens are everywhere, usually with a face planted firmly to it. You can find out all sorts of information. What a supermodel had for lunch, where a film star went on holidays or even funny things giraffes do. You can also get designs to build your own nuclear bomb, the personal details of thousands of credit card holders and the intimate footage of people’s private moments. So everything you’d ever want really.


But the one thing I couldn’t find was a movie about Hockey. You know, a ‘movie’. People used to go to places called ‘Picture Theatres’ where they would show a ‘motion picture’ on a real big screen, like a billion pixels, and every one would watch the same screen.  Movies had ‘Stars’, unlike the small screens of today which only seem to have ‘celebrities’.


This greatly bothered me. It was possible that Bollywood has indeed featured the great game, but my lack of language skills has frustrated that search. Try as I might I just couldn’t find one. Where was our cinematic masterpiece? Just about every sport has a movie. I am sure it exists.


If Hockey is to sit atop the global sporting pile it needs to create its own ‘Citizen Cain’. So I have developed the following ideas for the game to pitch to Hollywood moguls over a lettuce salad lunch.


Hockey - Simple really. A down and out player, Hockey Balboa is given a shot at Olympic glory but is torn between his love for the game and caring for his pet giraffe.


Hockey Wars  -  Obi Walsh Kenobi battles his old foe Darth Batra for control of the Hockeyverse. Jar-Jar Dohmen appears but no one knows why.


Raging Bully – Former centre forward struggles with life after the introduction of the push off.


Close Encounters of the Third Man Kind – A goalie fashions mashed potato into a set of keeping pads and attempts to question the Blind Sages over a dubious free hit.


Gone with the Windee – Epic tale of a free hit gone wrong


The Pro League of Gentlemen – A group of mysterious Hockey players save the world from soccer.


Oceans 16 – An Olympic Hockey team robs the FIH offices and gets away with a box of paper clips.


One Flew Over The Keepers Net – Striker goes crazy after one too many missed shots.


Good Will Hacking – Smart arse kid gets bought back to earth by an experienced full back.


If you have any ideas to send the game to the big screen I would live to hear them. Ideas with Steven Spielberg’s phone number attached would be ideal. This is just the start. Making a mark on the big screen could just make Hockey a ‘Star’.


Thursday July 13 2017
Hockey Tip No 046: When trvelling to an International Tournament check and see if the local police might want to have a chat with you about something.
 Please abide by our terms for this comments thread available HERE